or unwell

If unsure which I am, I suppose I am well

In the bland land between vapid youth and old age

He complains “this is why I don’t like when you drink, you get moody” 

can we reframe that to

just contemplating life 

Although I admit I’m agitated lately

As I realize how finite time is daily

Knowing a life well-lived isn’t given, it’s made

In the series of mundane decisions and choices

Like tonight I chose to watch a show with him, a new episode about his favorite rapper

And then bake cakes for the fire station, wash the dishes, clean the kitchen

But that means now it’s too late to shower and I sleep with dirty feet, biggest pet peeve

And I’m too tired for homework due at 11:59, for the first time in my life I’m turning stuff in late

In the back of my mind always: now picture this with kids

My keyboard is dark so I go by feel and try to type softly 

Light outs, he needs good sleep before a 48 hour shift

I drown out our breathing with pink noise frequency

Kanye’s mother Donda told him before he was famous:

“A giant looks in the mirror and sees nothing.”

I look in the mirror tonight and as usual I see everything

But once I look past the pores and pimples, the anxiety and anger,

My reflection becomes an outline of something

Is it who I was?

Or, who I’m supposed to be?

22 thoughts on “Pink Noise

  1. This was beautiful and terrifying, passionate and raw, everything that life holds! That reflection just beyond clear vision is whatever you make – you have the choice and the control!


  2. So true and so perceptive. The sacrifice for the family and the relationship. It usually takes a superwoman to handle all the responsibilities. From my observation, I know that if one is not a superwoman, one needs to have parents to rely on for child rearing or one has enough money to pay for helps. Otherwise, it is impossible.


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